when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
