ya dads aren't the best wingmen
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
