How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Sex in the backyard? Check.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
