chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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