Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
