It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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