This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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