Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
