We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
