1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
