I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
