If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
