so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
