the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
