I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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