Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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