after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
