Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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