My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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