Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
