yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
