Where did you get a picture of my penis
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
