I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
They have beer where we have blood.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
