Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he told me I talked like a deaf person
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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