I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
