Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
