??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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