I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
