There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i came on her dog
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
