So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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