so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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