i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
