My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
