it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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