i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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