Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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