i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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