Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
