I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
where does the pee come out of this thing
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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