Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I stole a fireplace last night.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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