Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Randomize
