they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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