yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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