There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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