Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
