it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
