Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
