Will you blow on my dice?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
