im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just want to make out with him forever
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
