Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
there is glitter all over my balls
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
