Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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